Well, more than 2 years has past since my last blog…no-one could accuse me of being a regular blogger. I originally started this blog to reflect on living life in my retirement
In October 2015 I was diagnosed with frontal- temporal dementia. Of all the things that I could have been attacked by, it had to be this. My brain…one of the only parts of my body that I really valued is going to take off and leave me behind. I want to cry when I think about it, but how many tears can you shed?
After the initial grief response, which lasted around 6 months, I have been able to take some steps to prepare for the future. I talk about it (with anyone who will listen). I say I am not looking for sympathy….I hope this is the truth. I need understanding and some support…not so much right now, but I know the time will come!!!!The knowing….a blessing and a curse. A blessing because I can prepare myself; put some strategies in place; plan my future etc. A curse, because I know what is coming…just not when!!!!I recognise the skills that I am losing, I know what I can’t do today althôugh I could do it yesterday.
The plan is to live in the moment…enjoy each second and celebrate the positives. How hard is this? How hard not to reflect on how things were. Almost impossible to not think about what is ahead. I sound very self assured when I speak to others…so self assured….so much bullshit. The fact is I try to fill every second, not just so that I don’t waste it, butto keep my mind busy.
I’m so tired. Mostly it would be so easy just to close my eyes and lie down somewhere. Right now, too tired to even blog, so Goodnight